Tuesday, January 16, 2018

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP ME KEEP MY JOB

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

My new employer wants to know about pro bono (free) work that I've done so I can pass my background check and keep my job.

If I have done some kind of work for you without charge, please email me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com if you are willing to write a brief email to my employer to say what kind of work I did for you and that I did not charge you.

Examples of work that I might have done for you without charge:

  • EDITING
  • REVIEWING/PROMOTING YOUR BOOK
  • PROMOTING YOUR BUSINESS
  • WRITING AN ARTICLE OR GUEST POST
  • WRITING A BLURB ABOUT YOUR BOOK THAT YOU USED IN A NEW YORK TIMES ADVERTISEMENT, ROBYN ALANA ENGEL
  • ANY OTHER WORK YOU CAN THINK OF AND YES I ENDED THAT WITH A PREPOSITION AND I AM NOT ASHAMED 
Please email me ASAP and when I'm not at work or making the long, treacherous commute, I'll let you know what I need you to do . I hope that writing and sending the email to my employer won't take more than 10 or 15 minutes of your time. I will also send personal emails to some of you because I know I've saved your shit been kind enough to help you out, so check your inbox before you email me at


You complete me.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug





Saturday, January 13, 2018

EXCUSE ME . . . I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN AWAY

Dear Hearts and Gentle People,

I'm sorry I haven't been around to see you. Know that I care about you and miss you all very much.

I spent the past week training for my new job. Fortunately, it's paid training. Unfortunately, it might be a temporary job.

I don't know when I'll be able to blog again or visit you, but I'm thinking about you.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug










Saturday, December 30, 2017

HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY TO ME

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

On this day in 2009, I wrote my first blog post. During these eight years, my blog has had 980,451 page views. Most of the viewers are in the U.S., but those of you in the U.K. and Canada have hung in there with me, too. (I ignore views from Russia because Willy Dunne Wooters assures me that those are spambot.)

My blog has changed a lot over the years. I'm not the bitter person who signed her early posts with the pseudonym Dumped First Wife. I'm also not the giddy, post-divorce woman who used the name Lola. Now I'm just me, Janie Junebug.

My dog situation has changed, too. I moved to Florida in 2009 with four dogs. One of the four returned to Illinois very quickly because she seemed to be allergic to Florida. The other three have passed away. I'm grateful that Franklin and Penelope are here to take care of me, and very grateful that they write their own blog posts.

Sometimes I love blogging. I certainly enjoy the many people I meet. In the early days, blogging was my therapy. I still enjoy blogging, but I can't say I have the fervent desire to write the almost-daily posts that I once had.

I haven't even scolded you much about grammar lately. I've covered a lot of grammatical ground. People who write "should of" instead of "should have" are going to continue to do so in spite of my protests.

I've made my share of mistakes, too, and I don't mean typos only. I've been rude to some visitors to my blog and hurt some feelings with comments I made.

One problem that can't be erased is that I associated the name of a great blogger with the topic of see-through yoga pants. My most popular post ever is Rick Watson & The Sheer Yoga Pants, viewed by 30,346 seekers. I never intended to link Rick, a real sweetheart who blogs at Life 101, for all eternity with those unattractive yoga pants. It simply happened that the first part of the post was about Rick and the second part was about sheer yoga pants. 

I've also doomed myself to seeing these search terms turn up in my stats on a regular basis: big ass in yoga pants, big butts in yoga pants, sheer yoga pants, big ass women, and so on and so forth.

In honor of the popularity of sheer yoga pants, however, I'll say farewell to 2017 with this view:



Happy New Year! See you in 2018.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Friday, December 22, 2017

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: I'M GONNA SING FOR YOU

Hi! Hi, Every Buddy! Hi! Hi! Hi! It's me! It's me me me me mememememememememememememe, Franklin the Bordernese! Kissmas is coming so don't catch a cold that makes you sneeze!


I wanna sing for you today. I heard a song called White Kissmas. I made up my own words to it, so I'll type the words, and you have to imagine the tune. My part is in blue. Penlapee wants to help so her part is in parentheses in pink.

Here we go!

I'm dreaming of a kissy Kissmas
like every Kissmas I've known with Mom (we love our Mom).

When the palace glistens 
and Mommy listens
if we tell her a package thief
is on our road (our road, our road, our royal roooooooooo

I'm dream (roooo Penlapee, that's long enough ooad) ing of a kissy Kissmas
each time I see Mom's credit card (she buys doggy toys with the plastic card).
May your moms be merry and bright
and may all your Kissmases be like mine (and miiiiiiiiiine).

I hope your Kissmas includes a meal of delicious kibble and a toy. Be sure to do some butt sniffin', too.

Now I have to work on pretending I'm asleep. I have to get good at it so I can catch Santa Paws in the act on Kissmas Eve.


Okay. I love you. Bye-bye.


Byyyyyyyyye!

Merry Kissmas from all of us!

Thursday, December 21, 2017

BATTLE OF THE BANDS: AN UNUSUAL RESULT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've been thinking that my December Battle of the Bands was kind of a bust. The Trapp Family Singers declined to appear in Canada and the U.K. Some of you said this wasn't your kind of music but voted anyway. A few declined to vote, and that's okay.

Anyway, here are the final results. We can say that nobody wins or that everybody wins (I don't want to be one of those crazy organizations that gives a trophy to everyone so that no one's precious self-esteem is damaged).

Trapp Family Singers          7

Edith Piaf                              7

Annie Lennox                        7

That's our final battle of the year, folks.

Look who's agreed to sing us out.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Friday, December 15, 2017

BATTLE OF THE BANDS: IL EST NE LE DIVIN ENFANT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It's December 15th, so it's time for this month's Battle of the Bands, hosted by Stephen McCarthy at STMcC Presents 'Battle of the Bands'I urge you to visit his blog to see the complete list of participants in the battle and to check out their battles.


Here's the deal: I usually present two renditions of the same song, but because Christmas is coming up and I feel generous, this month I'm giving you three choices. In your comment, you vote for the one you prefer, and if possible, tell us the reason for your choice. You have until midnight on December 20th to vote. On December 21st, I'll tell you who the winner is.

Our song for Christmas is Il est Ne, Le Divin Enfant (He Is Born, The Divine Child), a traditional French carol I've loved since I sang it with a church choir more years ago than I care of remember.

Here's the English translation, as taken from Wikipedia (our choir sang the chorus in French and the verses in English––our choices don't sing all the verses, and neither did we):

Chorus: He is born, the Heav'nly Child,
Oboes play; set bagpipes sounding
He is born, the Heav'nly Child.
Let all sing His nativity.

'Tis four thousand years and more,
Prophets have foretold His coming,
'Tis four thousand years and more,
Have we waited this happy hour. Chorus

Ah, how lovely, Ah, how fair,
What perfection is His graces,
Ah, how lovely, Ah, how fair.
Child divine, so gentle there. Chorus

In a stable lodged is He,
Straw is all He has for cradle.
In a stable lodged is He,
Oh how great humility! Chorus

Jesus Lord, O King with power,
Though a little babe You come here,
Jesus Lord, O King with power,
Rule o'er us from this glad hour. Chorus


Now, here are the possibilities. I've selected three that have very different sounds.

Choice #1 is The Trapp Family Singers:






Choice #2 is Edith Piaf:





Choice #3 is Annie Lennox:





I look forward to seeing your choices and reading your comments.

Happy listening!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BATTLE OF THE BANDS COMING UP!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

My Battle of the Bands post is delayed as I continue to chase the elusive job. I must complete certain "tasks" to possibly, maybe, land the job.

I hope to have my battle up later today . . . certainly no later than tomorrow . . . or the day after.

I appreciate your understanding and all the support you've given me as I've job hunted and applied.

See ya soon!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug